Thursday, 10 February 2011

The Ill-Made Mute by Cecilia Dart-Thornton

A joint review book commentary by Quigui of Spoilers and Nuts and Jen7waters of Cuidado com o Dálmata. We decided to make this review together because a) it would be fun; b) we suffered through this book together and c) I [Quigui] have been recently bitten by a dog, and can join Jen in her warning [and thus be allowed a post in her blog] to beware of the dog [not a Dalmatian in my case, but a tiny, tiny dog that the only thing that he managed to do was to rip my last pair of stockings. Tiny little bastard] Told’ya, but you never listen. BTW, hello everyone! *Jen waves her hand*

Green text means it was written by Jen7waters. Orange means Quigui. Black means common to the both of us (because we’re both mourning some great character). 

The Ill-Made Mute by Cecilia Dart-Thornton (The Spoiler free version)

A book about a foundling that can’t talk and is ugly as hell (therefore being ill-made and mute), that goes on a road trip to cure her disease.

A very long and boring book, with one character that is awesome and doesn’t appear as much as he should.

Unless you are really curious about it, skip it. If you are curious, proceed with care and be prepared to be bored out of your wits.

I have nothing to add. Humph.


The Ill-Made Mute by Cecilia Dart-Thornton (The spoiler version: Beware, Here be Dragons. And Spoilers. And Ranting. And Snark. And we’re sorry. No dogs and nuts in sight, though)

In a place with a very tall tower everyone dislikes a mute and very ugly foundling.

Lots of boring stuff happens. (Really, if one can get to chapter 4, can read the whole book, otherwise is better to drop it.) It is boring, but more than that: it’s descriptive. To the point of telling you about every single piece of food on the table! Enumeration is really this author’s strong point. 

He/she/it goes away/flees(I don’t know. Quigui explains: She finds out by overhearing some people talk that she can find a cure for her ailment on the Big City, so she runs to the city. Ooooh, okay, thank you, quigui. That helped a lot, still boring though.) and meets Sianadh a.k.a. The Best Character of The Book Who Didn’t Deserve To Die-You S*** Cecilia Dart-Thornton (breathe, Jen, breathe). *Jen cries* *Quigui gives Jen an handkerchief* *Jen blows her nose with it - may I keep it?* *Please do. I have no business with your snot.*

Anyway...he gives him/her a name and teaches him/her sign language. They travel a lot and find a treasure. A lot of boring stuff happens again (and there is a minor rip-off of The Lord of the Rings, sans hobbits, ponies, and the word Friend as password, but close enough to make me cringe), although Sianadh lightens up things being The Best Character of The Book Who Didn’t Deserve To Die-You S*** Cecilia Dart-Thornton. BTW, was there any point to the chess-but-not-chess game? Mmm...don’t think so. Because there is so much time devoted to our main character learning to play the game, and then playing the game, but at the end, all she had to do was press the right button. No, wait, I remember was to BORE US JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE. Ooooh, I see. Cecilia: Mission Accomplished! With A+ grade (O_O).

They reach Sianadh’s home and everyone dislikes the foundling there too. Then, out of the sudden, without a good or proper reason, Sianadh DIES (NOOO) and the story loses all its interest immediately. (And I still believe that he is alive: think about it, we only know he is dead because a guy that was with him told another guy that wasn’t there, that in turn told our main character that Sianadh is no more. Without a body I don’t believe it. You’re in a place called Denial. I’m afraid. And I’m loving it here! I have to be...after all you still have 2 books in this series to read WITHOUT SIANADH...that’s tough business.)

Another roadtrip starts, and it goes horribly wrong, with more people dying, but none that really matter (because after Sianadh, no-one does). He/she/it (and by this time we should really not being bothered with spoilers and say it is indeed a She) travels with Sianadh’s nephew, who is a very poor replacement. They travel, they despair, they travel a bit more. Until...

He/she/it finds herself alone again until a tall, dark, handsome, mysterious guy shows up and makes her feel butterflies in the stomach. (HOW COULD YOU, IMRHIEN!? SIANADH WAS THE MAN!) Who, by the way, dyes his hair (which means I’m secretly hoping he turns out to be either a) Sianadh or b) a wight and thus a very unsuitable match).

They travel together for a while, until he snatches (without warning, idiot) 3 hairs from her scalp to make himself a fancy ring, kisses her ugly face, and goes away. At this moment the only thing I wanted was to finish the book, but this part did get a reaction out of me: “WTH? Is that any way to treat a lady? And she still likes you?”

She finds the only person who can help her get her uncursed/whatever face back. 

She becomes pretty. She can talk.

The end.

I have no interest whatsoever in knowing what happens in the next books of this series.

I am still a bit curious, namely because of the whole “HE IS NOT DEAD” state of mind I’m in, and also because I already have the other 2 books and would feel like a twat if I just relisted them on Bookmooch without reading. But on the positive side, they are smaller than the first one (I’ll be pointing my finger at you the whole time, saying AH-AH! YOU’RE READING THE OTHER 2 BOOKS!) And I’ll be telling you the entire time that Sianadh is still alive and kinky kicking. Mwahahahah! No way, he’s D-E-A-D. No Body = Not Dead! keep dreaming, my friend :(

before Sianadh appears: X( - 1.5/5
while Sianadh appears =D - 5/5
after Sianadh disappears BUT before Thorn appears - :’( 1/5
after Thorn appears - X.X 0/5
Overall: 1.875 /5 

P.S.: YOU S*** CECILIA!!! Yep, you do. Also, you should change your name. Your not worthy of either the name Cecilia or Thornton. You can keep the Dart (and throw it at Thorn).

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  1. Good God, are we mean, or are we mean? but we loved Sianadh so much... :(

  2. ahahaha, omg! I ran into this... uhm... review(?) by accident when I desperately tried to find a summary of this book xD I had to read it as an english assignment, but it took me like 6 months to read a 100 pages, hehehe... I agree about it being BORING AS HELL. Thank you for your report on it though, helped me a lot!

    greetings from Lexxie in Sweden! ^_^ xoxo

  3. Ahhh well, not really review, I guess. It was really boring as hell this one. They make you read this? Couldn't they pick something better like The Lord of the Rings or something like that? Glad it help!

    Greetings from Spain, from a Portuguese girl that met a Swedish girl in Scotland :D

  4. Aw, I really liked this book and read the whole trilogy. Maybe just because I have an interest in the mythology??? I agree the writing is a bit dry and too descriptive. I mostly enjoyed the stories the people told about the 'wights'.

  5. Don't be fashed, HE'S NOT DEAD! You have to read the next 2 books to understand the bits about chess and all the stuff that seems pointless turns out to be important! The next 2 books have more action as well, except the final book has some really tedious bits thrown in.

  6. @Ash I actually liked the mythos/folklore aspect of it. It was the loooong descriptive parts that bothered (and bored) me.

    @Tara That's a huge spoiler, but thank you so much for it :D Now I can push the next 2 books a bit further up on my to read list.